Question & Answer

PERSISTENCE

Blaine:
I think what keeps me going is my wife and son of 19 years, and my mother, father, 2 brothers and my sister. I also live for my childhood memories that are so dear to me, I live them everyday.

Emily H.:
To me persistence is the point of never giving up. I have not always been persistent, but I am trying to keep on going. With God on my side, it has helped me to go so far.

Kathy M.:
Learning compensatory skills so I can continue to learn and grow. Also knowing that I have the rest of my life to master my skills.

MercyJoy:
God keeps me going after a terrible accident. He made me a living miracle and so I survived. Next are my family, friends and then associates.

Randy:
For me it was my nine-year-old twins. People don't give kids credit for what they know. I was in a month long coma and I remember the Doctor asked me questions about my eight year old twins. I didn't know their birthday and when the doctor asked me how old my "twins" were I said, "Five and six" they were eight at the time. I was not in the right mind at the time when I saw them the first time I can I cried because what kind of father can't remember how old his kids are? Those buggers surprised me because then they both came to me one on each side of my bed and gave me a big hug and one of them said, "Dad you just about died you'll get your memory back" And the other one said, "We are just glad your back." It brings tears to my eyes just telling the story. I could have given up on myself but who would be there for my kids? If that wasn't motivation what is?

Paul:
A number of things keep me going. The first thing I think of are my children now ages 14 and 19. I feel one of the few ways a can teach them is through example. If I give up and pull the plug I'd be leaving a legacy that I couldn't bear, even in death.

JH:
Faith, determination.

MK:
I use the love from my family and friends, to keep me fighting to get back to the life I used to live. My family would NEVER abandon me; and several friends who are musically talented, but together a benefit for me at another friends bar.

Jess:
I keep trying to set goals, which is what keeps me going. After my wreck, it was graduating from high school, now it is graduating from college. I found no reason to actually give up. I think part of the reason is because in my mind giving up means death and I couldn't kill myself after walking away from my wreck.

Tanya:
to attempt to reach my full potential and enjoy a decent quality of life without regards to my disability.

Andi:
What keeps me going all the time is my feeling of being needed. I have a purpose in this life. I have children who are proving to me and the world they "can". I have a lot to give others in an educational setting, not necessarily a classroom but on the internet, in a treatment setting, especially adolescents,individually or with other tbi ers in small groups. The feeling I must contribute to others to help them learn to achieve for themselves the contentment I have, helps me keep going.

Seth:
I dont think they're too many people on here that like to be defeated... Alot of people just get frustrated, and do something else...but I think it'll take a few "payoffs" before one realizes.......one of those "strategies" is, make backups!!!!:-) Tootles

Anonymous:
Exactly!!!! I look at this head injury as a ch allenge that I make gradual improvements on..... everything in life is just one step closer to winning! If you do everything in ife this way, you can't lose! Glad you're back on the list....

Beth:
I have determined that the biggest reason that I tend to 'stick things out,' is that I have a LOT of personal determination, to see that I get things the way that I want them. I am a large part (mentally) perfectionistic, and I have a bit of an internal mindset that my life will be 'just so,' the way I particularly want it. And I will, personally, just not settle for anything less that the specific way that I want it. So I will frequently keep working on something that I want, beyond the degree to which someone else (i.e. many of my friends, of my past life) would be satisfied. It's just that that is MY mindset, and the way I WANT things in my life, and I just won't settle for anything less. It's been this kind of determination that's enabled me to graduate from medical school, after my first TBI, and other such 'achievements' that I've 'accomplished' in my life. I just wouldn't see me/my life any other way, "in my mind's eye". Just my personal approach to things in my life... prior to my 2 TBIs

Bob:
First, I to live in New York. Up stateactually. So "hello" to a geographical friend. Secondly, I like your topic, because that is me to the tee! I also had problems trying to get back on our network. It took me going on two (2) or three (3) months! Also, I believe that diligence sure helps us out in the long run. Perhaps only one, of the many, reasons I am still around. I was a pain in the !@#$%^ before, so perhaps magnification of personality traits when one has a Brain Injury, is a truthful statement from the hierarchy :- ) In any event it fits me like a glove, and it works!!! Have a good day there, and welcome back.

Blaine:
I was 21 years old in the prime of my life in 1979, I had a great job then all the sudden my world fell from underneath me with no warnings. Well, there is no good in being injured at such a young age, if it were to happen I wished I would have been older so I could have enjoyed life a little more.

Emily H:
I was 17 when I got hurt, before that I never thought about head injuries. Now I am so open to all of the different disabilities.

Kathy M:
I was 38 (I am now 46). The good part is that I knew what it felt and looked like to be a functioning, responsible, competent adult. I used that as a benchmark for the functional level I wanted to achieve after I was injured. I think my recovery would have been more difficult if I had been under the age of 25 or so. I had to re-learn how to read, dress myself, work again, take care of personal responsibilities, etc., so knowing how adulthood used to "work" helped.

MercyJoy:
I was 33 when I met the accident. What is good about it is I was drawn closer to God. The bad - the worse is I am not intelligent anymore and so I can never go back to a thinking job anymore.

Randy:
I was twenty-nine. The doctor said if I had been older the outcome might not been as good. The bad things for me was knowing what I could do before my TBI and having to realize I couldn't do the things I could do before.

Paul:
My last and worst TBI was in Oct. 1991. I was 38 years old. To answer the rest of this question I must philosophize----One good thing about having a TBI at age 38, is that I had a chance at having a career and a family before the 'wreck'. One bad thing about having a TBI at age 38 was having a career and a family.

JH:
19; I was young enough to adapt to hardship. Bad that I was cut short of the good times.

MK:
I'm not sure exactly when it happend,but I think it happened when I was only 24 years old. Being such a young age, it helped with my energy and determination to recover completely.

Jess:
I had my wreck at age 17. It made me wake up to the feel sorry for myself thing I was going through, but it was hard talking to the doctors. They talked down to me because of my age and the fact that I'm a woman. I had a doctor imply that it was all in my head because of the fact I was a woman. After episodes like that, I actually started doubting myself. My parents also thought I was lying because of what that doctor was saying.

Tanya:
my injury first one occured at seven the second one at twelve noting good really at having a brain injury I could see immedialtly after the first one it had a devastating effect on my intellect and has severly hindered my abilty to become what i was meant to be. i have a greater awareness of people with brain injuries and that has given me patience where previous I might not have had any.

Andi:
I was 36. The good things of having it at that age were I had lived and had experiences to draw from. I also did not lose my core values. Age was against me I was told. I don't believe it. Physically, I was in better shape than I had ever been in, except for the medication I was on for weight control. Thank God I had no permanent damage from it. I cannot think of anything really that was a negative for me about that age and tbi.

Blaine:
I have no problem discussing my injurys, in fact the more people that know how and what I went thru may just prevent 1 head injury from occuring, from knowledge of the consequences after one.

Emily H:
Yes, I am open about my disability, but it does get depressing because the more I talk about it, the more I have to accept it.

Kathy M.:
Yes, even though I'm an "invisible" and could "pass."

MercyJoy:
I am open about my disability, probably because the people I interact with, professionals, understand. Others, as well, understand When it's appropriate and safe, I disclose. If I'm slower than others would be in a check-out line I might turn to the people behind me and say, "Excuse me for taking this long, but I have had a brain injury and process things more slowly now." In offices or meetings where there is fluorescent lighting, I might as that it be turned off and will explain, "my brain injury makes it impossible for me to tolerate fluorescent lighting now." I have disclosed during work interviews and after I've gotten job offers. Especially since my work involves brain injury now, disclosure has become part of my new life.

Randy:
I only disclosed it to people who need to know or ones I feel comfortable with. I feel that some try to use a disability as a crutch. I went to rehab with some like that. It used to make me angry to the point where I would tell them to quit whining and start living. One person that I have kept contact with thanks me for doing that for him. If it would have come out the mouth of a doctor or therapist it may not have meant as much. I think.

Paul:
I feel I am open about my disability. I try not to have a chip on my shoulder but do feel 'Normies' have almost a fear of someone with a disability, especially a head injury. I try not to judge others as I do not wish to be judged. The old 'golden rule' thing.

JH:
Yes, I've always been open to others, nothing has changed.

MK:
Yes, I am open about my disability. I have to be because it was so severe, it seems that almost everything centers on it. It is impossible to ignore. I take it as just another part of my life. It does not disturb me at all.
Jess:
I don't like to come out and tell others about my disability. I was raised with the attitude that nobody cares about your problems, so shut up and deal with them. I also feel like if I tell someone my problem, they won't understand or believe me. I got a lot pf attitude after my wreck about you look healthy, why are you now performing like you did, or that I was lying to get attention. Because of that, I don't tell other people right away about my problems. If I get to know them better, I will tell them to let them know what to expect.

Tanya:
Yes Im open about it. People ask about it and want to know about it I tell thellm. I don't disclose my disability wehn interacting with others unless it comes up. i want to be able to walk away and if people find out about it then they can say, wow she seemed normal. It is my hope that, that will increase understanding of my disabilty. Yes, some are much more disabled then others and awarness and understanding of that might take time.

Andi:
I am learning to be proud of myself but not to gloat either. No one who has not been through it can know the difference between now and then. If someone asks me why I use a cane, which has never happened, I will explain it is a double reason. I have 17 screws in my hip to prove it!

Blaine:
I was very upset and terrible with my life and my injurys until I agreed to be placed on Antidepressents. I currently take three Antidepressents daily and they have helped my outlook on life considerably.

Emily H.:
Acceptance is hard, no I'm not happy, but I keep trying to achieve; sometimes I take one step forward and two steps backwards, but I have to keep trying.

Kathy M.:
On the contrary, I can't say that I'm unhappy about receiving a brain injury. It was a wake-up call, in my situation and my life is better now. I have integrated compensation into my life at every level and believe I function better in many ways.

MercyJoy:
I am not happy with my TBI but there is nothing else I can do. I accept reality and just live with it one day at a time.

Randy:
I accept not because I want to but, I have to. I could sit around and feel sorry for me but what would that have done for me? Absolutely nothing!!!

Paul:
I try to be honest with myself about what I can and cannot do, but I am afraid I'll limit myself by thinking I can't do or accomplish something that I really could do. I have to reevaluate my deficits continually. I must admit I have allowed my TBI to slow my forward movement with life.

JH:
I try not to.

MK:
At the beginning, I didn't accept it at all; when you go from being a very physically fit young man, to a handicapped person overnight , of course it is difficult to accept. I was told that after my accident, I had tried to commit suicide a couple of times. Now I accept what has happend,and am eager to move on to living the life I used to live. I do get frustrated occasionally, but I try not to let it last.

Jess:
For a long time after my wreck, I didn't know what a head injury was. All I knew was something was wrong, but I didn't know what. Afterwards it was hard because I knew I was limited in what I could do, but the fact didn't seem to sink in. I pushed myself to the getting sick point and beyond because I just didn't want to accept that I couldn't do want I used to be able to accomplish. I still do that to an extent. It is hard for me to quit a task when working with others. I know I have t stop or eat something, but I don't want to look like I'm having problems to the other people.

Tanya:
I've had to live with my disabaily i can't do anything about it so why worry about it and make it a big factor in my life? It has interfered with moiving on the lack of support and therapy for TBI is horrible. It's hard to belive that in this country that can happen.

Andi:
You know this is such a good question for me to ponder...and argue with. I am very accepting by nature and always have been to my detriment. Now however, acceptance is opening doors for me that would have not been there pre tbi. I just wish others could and would get on with it. So many are hiding...I am not going to hide. I do not want the standards to be different for me because I am disabled. I do not want job accommodations. I am sure I will get them but I will find ways to work around them and move on and put the normies to shame!

Blaine:
In the beggining when I had the undiagnosed epilepsy for 11 years, I didn't notice anything, only that I was beggining to have suicidal thoughts due to the constant unexplained Hallucination and dry-heaving doctors could find no answer for.

Emily H.:
I really don't notice the little steps, but if I do something I like I treat myself to capaccino, or Chinese food.

Kathy M:
Yes I notice, but I also keep a "Progress Journal" so I can retrieve the information when I want or need to.

MercyJoy:
I notice the little steps I make. I credit myself for the progress by interacting with others. Also, I make myself think by watching intellectual shows and reading journals and books. My computer is helping me a lot

Randy:
I notice all the steps now. When I started rehab I couldn't do a thing for myself. I had a long way to go so everything I did was a major accomplishment. I couldn't walk after the accident and then one day I walked 400 feet that was a cause for a celebration. It's easy to see progress when there is lots to be made. Later in my rehab it is harder to see progress you can't look day you have to look week by week or month or months to months. It is hard to see but if you look it is there.

Paul:
Feedback from health professionals and friends helps a lot. I do, on occasion, reread journal entries I've made during my years of rehab. It helps me see how far I've come. :-) On the other hand, I see how far I've yet to go.

JH:
No, I don't give myself credit.

MK:
Yes, I do notice the little steps I make.I really don't have a choice, because everyone I know points them out to me.I don't want to give myself credit for progress.I give credit to simple determination of a young man.

Jess:
I don't notice the little steps. By the time I accomplish them, I am off and running trying to keep up with someone else or doing another task.

Tanya:
yes i notiice the little steps i take in my life. I credit myself with this perservernce. keep at it keep at it.

Andi:
Is there such a thing as little steps? Is there a way to give yourself credit for this progress without gloating and making others feel uncomfortable? My life is a series of major steps. I have overcome them all. TBI was obviously the largest step, and the most difficult, but I was not aware it was difficult. I just "went with the flow".

Blaine:
Well, I don't care to start anything that I do not have to do, like puzzles, model cars, fishing, etc. I have no desire for anything other than my daily chores in life.

Emily H.:
I have a lot of trouble starting things and finishing them. Nothing really helps because I very stubborn.

Kathy M.:
I would have difficulty if I didn't use strategies. My BRAIN BOOK® keeps me on track. It did so when my challenge was getting up and getting going in the morning (7-8 years ago), and it works now when I have tasks to complete for my business.

MercyJoy:
Initiation is still a very big problem. My attendant helps me by reminding me of the things I need to do.

Randy:
I have problems with that I have to see something all the way through before I start something else. Otherwise I have to write notes to myself to remind me where I am in projects.

Paul:
Yes I do have trouble starting things. I find nutrition and rest REALLY help my mental focus. B complex 100 mg. high potency. Vita-C 500 to 1000 mg. tid vita-E complex 400 IU Flax seed oil and fish oil (omega-3 {EPA and DHA} fatty acids) fruits and veggies all really help my mental ability. Once I do start something I tend to stick with it in a 'dogged' fashion - A little to extremes.

JH:
Yes; I keep a day planner.

MK:
No, I have difficulty starting or finishing things, unless my memory fails me as it often does.

Jess:
I have a lot of problems procrastinating. And I tend to start things and not finish them. I lose interest easily. That leads to a lot of crochet project half finished or barely started.

Tanya:
the sticktoitivness comes from the knowledge that is must be done and no one else will do it for me or with me. I am alone in the TBI world.

Andi:
Ahhhh! Now you are dealing with the perseveration issue. Yes I have difficulty starting things. Now once I get started, I beat it to death. My homepage for example. The injury left me with the stick to it, what is the problem is the distractions I can have. I know there are those people who are adhd after tbi and I have many of the symptoms of that but it would be difficult to treat because I can stick to something once I get started but letting it go is almost impossible. Reducing distractions helps me a lot but having them also can help me stop beating something to death also. It is a strange thing to learn to deal with. I am just now beginning to recognise when each of them need moderation and just now being honest with myself and disciplined enough to do it.

Blaine:
Well, that has changed somewhat since the antidepressants, but no day is a safe day totally from Anger. Its usually over the stupidist things, like taking a shower and throwing the twoel on the floor instead of the hamper, or not turning off a light when you leave the room, leaving the television on when no one is watching it, and especially idiot drivers, this upsets me all the time and every where.

Emily H.:
I get frustrated when I want to do something, but can't.

Kathy M.:
Injustices! I can "spin out" easily when I get emotionally upset, and I have to work hard to control my anger (still). I am generally "appropriate" in society, but end up suffering personally much of the time. I take lots of breaks, walk in the woods, and use the e-mail support lists and journal a lot.

MercyJoy:
I get frustrated the most because I cannot work anymore. Thus, I keep myself busy by reading, exercising, watching cable talk shows, interacting with others, and working on my computer.

Randy:
Myself, mostly knowing that I could do this "before:" without any problems. I have to continually remind myself that I still can do this just in a different way.

Paul:
The thing I seem to get most frustrated over is communication with my wife. Through my therapies I've come to understand that my wife has AHDD. - I need to be able to plan what ever it is that I'm doing, from shopping trips to a daily schedule of tasks to get done. That's the only I'm able to function since my 'wreck'. My wife can't walk down the aisle in Costco without changing direction midstream. I work VERY hard trying to stay calm and go with her flow. ...if you can call it a flow. I've had to rely on a drug, Buspar, to help me keep from having 'fits' of discontrol, and stay calm. If I know what to expect I'm fine.

JH:
Not being able to effectively communicate. I try to have humility.

MK:
When I get frustrated being in the condition I am, I just remind myself of how much worse it could have been.

Jess:
I usually get frustrated over things I can understand to do (like homework), things I have trouble doing, or little things that I should have known how to do, but didn't. A lot of my frustration comes from wanting to do everything right without asking for help. I don't like having others tell me what to do because I feel stupid. When I get real mad, I have to walk away. I usually go somewhere and throw my temper tantrum and cry. I try not to get others involved, but I always seem to hear something along the line of, "Don't be pissy to me." or "Just because your mad, don't be pissy in front of the customers." (My boyfriend manages a video store and I get volunteered to help a lot.)

Tanya:
i get frustrated over taking on too much I cry or laugh hysterically and then I make a list of what needs to be done first and stick to it. It is not as easy as it sounds. Discipline dealing with TBI is like a bootcamp for the brain. Discipline.

Tanya:
im clumsy I have a poor memory and I don't get "it" a lot. slow understanding of things I have problems following directions that have more thant two steps.

Andi:
If I start a task or am presented with a problem and I cannot find quick resolution causes me to get highly frustrated and emotional. I sit on the floor, make necessary calls, bawl my head off, and if my medicine was taken early enough in the morning, I sleep. I do not allow myself that luxury these days as I changed antidepressants a couple of months ago and they won't let me sleep during the day.

Blaine:
My two head traumas have changed my whole world, my thinking process towards life, memory is terrible, they have even brought on other symptoms such as Epilepsy, allergies, and sleeplessness. Emily H.:
I limp, and am slightly paralyzed on left side. Memory is bad, difficulty with problem solving.

Kathy M:
I have few physical effects. Balance is still not the way it used to be and in general, I am less coordinated (aerobics classes are tough). My appetite has been affected. I used to have blurred vision, hearing impairment and vertigo, but these have abated. I limp from the orthopedic injuries, though people might think it is brain-injury related. Cognitively, I still have very impaired short-term memory, some word-finding problems, sequencing (of tasks) problems, math problems, decision-making, problem-solving and judgment issues -- that is, *if* I try to use my organic brain to do these things. Since I compensate so well on paper, functionally, I can do these things (retrieve information I cannot remember, sequence things with my STEPS cards, problem-solve using decision trees, etc. Without my "paper brain" I'd be toast.

MercyJoy:
Physically, I am not the athletic type anymore and cognitively, I am not a professional anymore.

Randy:
Physically none. Cognitively, many. Speech short term memory fine motor skills and mentally it takes a toll.

Paul:
Physically - daily headaches, shoulder pain (it was broken in the 'wreck'), sleep disturbance, bad vision (I almost lost an eye due to the 'wreck' from a fistula<sp), muscle pain

Cognitively - I've seen MUCH improvement in the past two and a half yrs. due to over a year and a half of EEG Neurofeedback. I still have (to a smaller degree than I did) problems with labile emotions, anxiety, short-term memory, sensitivity to noise and light, overloaded by too much stimulation, problems organizing

JH:
I have a speech impairment, (Dysarthia)

MK:
My injury effects me in several different ways. The one that is permanent, and the first that people notice is my left eye. I used to have to keep it closed because it faces a different direction than my right eye. This is because of nerve damage I sustained. Now I wear glasses with the left lens smoked over. While I talk about my eyes, I should also mention my difficulty with colors. Being an artist who likes to work with colors, I find it rather disturbing. I prefer having someone watching me while I mix colors, to be sure that they are correct. My memory is very undependable because a great deal of my brain was damaged beyond repair. I was told that the left frontal part of my brain was injured.The left side of my body was paralyzed after my TBI, but after a great deal of therapy, I have reached my current condition.

Jess- I suffer from headaches through my head. I tire very easily, especially when I am exposed to computer or TV screens or flourescent lights. The minute flickering in them does something to my brain that tires me. I have a hard time concentrating, little short-term memory, and times when my mind works very fast and others when it is real slow (if that makes any sence to you).

Andi:
Physically, my balance is very poor. Vestibular I believe is the system that is affected. That is definitely tbi.I have a loss of sensation in some areas of my left side. Also, I have a lack of awareness of what my fingers are doing if my eyes are closed.That is the strangest feeling. My hearing is also affected but not if my eyes are open I think. I had a neuropsychologist tell me to close my eyes and she snapped her fingers on either side of my head in random order and at the same time in random order, I indicated which side she was snapping with a raised finger or both if they both were snapped. I didn't hear her at all on the left side when she did them both and my eyes were closed. Another physical effect is one not seen but it costs me mega bucks. I have massive acid reflux since my tbi. I have paid out the wazoo for medicine the last year and a cobra for insurance that paid for the medicine. It doesn't look hopeful to be off of it. Cognitively? I don't feel comfortable about that loss. I am defensive about this. I had a dramatic decrease in iq...I am a firm believer that iq scores are a poor determinant to life success and happiness. I have trouble multtasking but that gets better all the time. I feel I am more honest about things to others and myself. I feel I can do more now than I could before my injury. I am more open to looking for help and paying the price of losing my pride. That is not measurable as a cognitive score, but I think it applies.

Blaine:
No, I have never felt like an outcast, in fact I treat people like shit who think they are better than I am. I can really put on a scene, no one walks on water, I always say, until you've Walked The Walk, Don't Talk The Talk..

Emily H.:
I feel like an outcast a lot; I have not dealt with it yet.

Kathy M.:
Yes. Some civilians take me less seriously and that is annoying (particularly some professionals). I have as much to offer (perhaps more) as others, even though I may struggle with remembering a person's name or get lost in a new building when someone has directed me to the restroom....Re: "Like you are being treated differently than others? What do you do to make yourself feel better?" Ignore it, as it's generally one of those things I cannot change. I chant the Serenity Prayer a lot :-)

MercyJoy:
Very seldom, I feel that I am an outcast. When I am treated differently from the normal people, I make myself feel better by trying very hard to ignore them.

Randy:
At first everyone treated me like they might "break" me they did everything for me. As time goes on it gets better though. To make me feel better I have to tell myself, "If they didn't act like they are they wouldn't care."

Paul:
Yes I do, but as I've heard other TBI'ers say "I feel most comfortable around people with a head injury." and "I don't trust people without a TBI." I was shocked when I first heard a friend, who's on the state Brain Injury Board, make these statements. Then I came to find, after months of self-examination and questioning, the same feelings in myself. I work on my attitude by trying to remember and use a saying (KIP -Keep It Positive). I care a lot about other people, in a humanistic way. If I can help someone, especially another TBI'er, with advice or support I REALLY feel better. Support groups, locally and on-line, mean a great deal to me.

JH:
No.

MK:
I don't feel like an outcast, but I know that I am treated differently than others.I know that someone who has had experiences such as mine, must be treated differently. Not expecting that is unrealistic.

Jess:
I feel like an outsider all the time. I write a lot of my feeling down. I am not the kind of person that will talk about a problem. I keep a journal and when something is bothering me, I write it out of my system. I don't have a lot of friends. So, I call my mother and we talk about what is going on. Afterwards I feel better that I could get it out of my system that way too.

Tanya:
yes i am an outcast I do get treated differently than others. I don''t have a support system. It's not so much that I do something to make myself feel better it is I just deal with it and move on.

Andi:
Yes I am an outcast. Not by all but mostly by the people who knew me before. Yes I am being treated differently than others. All that has to be said is,"Do you work?" "What do you do?" and that opens my can of anger. I don't want to be treated differently. I have animals. I am making friends on the net. I am getting a job. I am driving again. I am social. I am like a wilted plant...with no water I will continue to wilt until my roots die and give in to this thing.

Blaine:
I never have a tough time fitting in, due to the fact that I could care less about what anyone thinks except for my family, if they don't like it then get out of my face.

Emily H.:
I have trouble with everyone. I can't talk, and that's a total bummer.

Kathy M.:
No, not after all this time. I spent a lot of time in brain-injury environments at first (support groups), but now spend about half my social time with civilians, as well (church, community meetings, etc.) It's adequate. I still feel the best in a room full of folks with brain injury.

MercyJoy:
I have a tough time fitting in. The toughest situation for fitting in is when I am with intellectuals.

Randy:
Not really. The ones that are toughest for me are that my wife and me were really social people, going places and meeting people at events. After the accident I get tired quicker and have less tolerance for idiots.

Paul:
Yes I do. Some of the roughest things are activities with my 14-yr. old son. He is very sensitive and I take great care to try not to embarrass him around his friends. It's a lot of work trying to act normal.

JH:
Yes, Large group interactions.

MK:
I really don't have much of a social life anymore. I don't drive, and almost all of my friends are getting married and having children. I spend most of my time on my therapy, or on personal work like trying to get accomplished as an artist or writer.Although I have wonderful friends, I don't see much of them anymore. Their lives are different, and so is mine. As life goes on people go in different directions, but that doesn't mean friendships end.My college friends, had bands and liked to drink. I can't do that now, but I have learned to adjust my life and move on. I have made several new friends.

Jess:
I feel I don't fit in very well. People have told me that they think I am a naturally social person. I don't really like a lot of people. I feel like everyone can see into my head and see that I'm two cans short of a complete six-pack. I feel vulnerable dealing with people.

Tanya:
social situations are hard for me to fit in.

Andi:
I don't go into situations where I feel pressured often. People really don't know how to take me or talk to me. It is as if they just don't know what tbi is... I have gone to settle my daughter into college for her Sophomore year and I thought it was somewhat comical that I knew people had been told I was brain injured. The side stepping they did to protect themselves from being informed could have made me angry but I instead saw the funny side. The toughest for me is when I am doing something for my kids and they have to explain...never when I am there though. It puts them on the spot. I don't like that at all.

Blaine:
My most satisfaction from my injurys being recognized for what they truly are, not when people say it was no big deal but when they say I don't know how you made it thru all the turmoil. I tell them frankly I don't know either. As far as Improvement is concerned, all I want is to live as normal as I can, I try very hard to not see the faults in people, but to excuse and live and let live, if only it were that easy.

Emily H.:
Helping other people, and meeting other TBI survivors.

Kathy M.:
Service to others -- particularly those who have had brain injury.

MercyJoy:
I do not know what gives me the best satisfaction in life. I used to be a very active individual and to some extent, that keeps me striving to improve.

Randy:
That's an easy one my family and friends that stood behind me every step of the way.

Paul:
Helping others brings much satisfaction for me. Self-improvement or overcoming a deficit does also. I want as much functionality as I can possibly have.

JH:
Success, blind determination.

MK:
What gives me the most satisfaction in life is feeling like a normal and productive young man.

Jess:
I don't know how to really answer this question. I really enjoy my cat, Dusty. He is the one that is always there when I'm happy or sad. He seems to be the only one that cares at times. When I'm crying from pain or hurt feelings, he seems to be the only one that cares enough to comfort me. I raised him since he was two days old, so he is my baby.

Tanya:
nothing gives the most satisfaction in my life. I feel if I get too content with myself then I won't improve at all. The facft that the brain is an ever evolving organ and if I keep on "keeping on'" i will have improvement. is what keeps me striving to improve.

Andi:
Growth and progress with myself. The progress my kids make...I can gush about that.

MercyJoy:
I get support from Easter Seals with lectures on how to deal with TBI. Loma LInda University Medical Center helps by my volunteering and so I have a sense of helping others. Lastly is Mt. San Antonio College, socially and mentally.

Randy:
#1 the greatest family My wife and twin nine year olds did a lot to motivate me to get better. #2 friends its sad to say but a person doesn't realize how close and how many friends a person has until something like that happens. For example four of my friends were at my house the day of my accident putting up the Christmas tree that I got for my boys the day of the accident. They helped keep them busy and occupied the next few weeks and they are the only ones that understand the fact that I am not the same person I was before the accident. They also motivated me to get better. #3 The therapist and the other patients I went to therapy with they put enough pressure on me to get out of there and didn't push too hard. I have also been involved in the support group sponsored by the rehab center.

Sherri:
Now I don't get any support since my ins cut me off and my settlement was a complete joke. I did go to the Head Injury Center here in Charlotte and all services I needed were there.

MercyJoy:
Yes, I am rigid already. However, after a while I notice it so I try to change and compromise.

Randy:
More at times that I am under pressure whether at work or at home.

Sherri:
NO.

MercyJoy:
Extremely hard to accept mistakes. I concentrate on helping others not myself only and God is helping me with this.

Randy:
I had the same thing happen and I am sorry to say the majority of the anger eas directed towards my kids little things that I wouldn't have noticed before would get me going. Thank God I had the sense enough not to spank or hit. I would just go off the deep end. As far as dealing with others I am better then I was before. A saying I had when I was in rehab and the one I have on my AOL member profile is "Life's too short to be a jerk." I have more patience with others because I remember the looks I got when I was at the store or ordering food and I sounded like an idiot. I realize because I didn't ask to get the accident and get a TBI.

Sherri:
I will say I was forced to slow down in life and I realized some things just aren't that important to get so upset about and I am sure that the prozac also helps that a lot.

MercyJoy:
Tegretol and Prozac, among others. Prozac was the last, however, until my third year after the accident, I think.

Randy:
Never did.

Sherri:
I take Prozac and it was a miracle for me, i do have to adjust it from time to time and i am now looking for a natural alternative that is cheaper.

MercyJoy:
I don't blame God for my injury.

Randy:
I do believe in God and I don't blame him I thank him. I have a different set of priorities now than I did before. I actually thank him for waking me up!!!

Sherri:
I was and still am PISSED at WALMART and the way they treat people and will always feel that way and its total bullshit that they will make changes for the customer safety. God had nothing to do with it.

MercyJoy:
Yes, I want to be someone else.

Randy:
One thing I did after the accident is feel sorry for myself and after about two days I realized no matter how bad you think how bad you have it somebody is worse for me it was my wife's uncle that had a farm accident when he was sixteen he is thirty-nine now. He went to rehab at the same place I did. He is paralyzed from the chest down I asked him what he thought of when he was there he thought of the people who are worse than him. Here he was a man who will never walk or use the lower 2/3 of his body telling me that there are people worse off than him. that put things into perspective for me right there and then! I wouldn't change places with anyone first I am having a life second I wouldn't put my worst enemy through what I had to go through.

Sherri:
I know that even though my injury was devestating to me that i am much better off than many others who have TBI and i am happy with me now, or I came to terms.You have to like yourself no matter what to suceed in life.

MercyJoy:
I define myself as a TBI survivor. I don't tell people that I am one and mostly, it is not noticeble. But if they ask about it, I explain my condition.

Randy:
The people that matter to me know what I went trough and screw the rest. I don't advertise the fact that I had a TBI but I dont hide it either. I think there are some that use a TBI as a crutch not so much faking but always saying I CAN'T.

Sherri:
I am a survivor but no i dont tell people unless i have to to explain something like my behavior, headaches etc.. most of the general public is very ignorant about mild tbi.

MercyJoy:
Self-esteem is a very big problem. I cannot think as clearly and deeply as before and also I do not have a job and so I just stay at home most of the times and keep myself busy with cable television and American On Line with my computer.

Randy:
I realized that I am a fighter I fought to live and I fought to get better I worked my ass off to get to wher I am now. I think I got it right is saying you can have the best therapist and Doctors in the world. But they can only give you direction You can have the best map in the world but without you getting yourself there you wont find it. If that makes sense.

Sherri:
not really a problem to me i felt dumb, and i always like to think of myself as smart person, not bookwise but in life.My therapist helped me not to lose that.

MercyJoy:
I do not analyze and talk about my injury anymore because there is nothing new about it. That would be a very boring topic.

Randy:
I think talking about it helps me greatly. I think the more a person talks about it helps him or her to accept it. By accept it I mean know that you are not the "SAME" person and accepting it I don't mean rolling over and complaining. In life things aren't fair so you must "Deal with it.,"

Sherri:
I stay with the online groups to learn and to also try to help others out. The worst part of my TBI was feeling so alone and crazy.I share daily if need be with my on line groups.

MercyJoy:
Injury has affected my emotions a lot. I easily get angry, to some extent and I am sad many times.

Randy:
Yep when I am getting perturbed I tend to stutter A LOT and when I am dealing with a business and I get POed I cant get across my point without sounding like an idiot.

Sherri:
Yes i was SUPERBITCH after my injury but in time the prozac helped control that.

MercyJoy:
I write orders and keep them with me all the time so I will not forget to do something and am sure to follow everything in detail.

Randy:
Some things have to be in their place like my car keys and the things I take to work have to be where they are every day. When at work I have to have the thing I have to do now in front of me if I get a phone call pr called away I have to leave it where I will see it. I might remember it but it is a better chance I will not.

Sherri:
I learned in therapy that repetative actiosn helped me to create routines on daily task. As for other task i have my cheat notes of steps to follow.